you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
