Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
