I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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