Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
