And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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