You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
