i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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