Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
