he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
