I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
