I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
