You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
