The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize