the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
