weddingsv make me drug and hornr
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
