his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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