How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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