it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
