Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
