I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
