Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
