i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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