i jhust puked up my retainher.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
