508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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