Moan for me like Helen Keller
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
