Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
