I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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