im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
