so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
