my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
