Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
