im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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