the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
