Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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