So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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