So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
