That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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