Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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