is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
