Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
