I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
