I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
