A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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