Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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