Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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