dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
