part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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