ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
