It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
