This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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