The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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