Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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