no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
