Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
