I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
