Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize