Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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