oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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