One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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