i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
