Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
