Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
