i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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