Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
