My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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