I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
