M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Even my vagina gasped.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
