i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
